Liberation

So as I'm growing nearer to 20 and the break up of my bf who i still care about deeply to this day. He has taught me so many new things that i can apply into my life. THe most important lesson that he has giving me is me learning that if people really are so intrested in my life why not make into a celebrity and have the papparazzi follow me around. So, he taught that if people are really that intrested they would tell you more personally than some sort of way to just connect and just pry into the lives of others. Get real people like I say that we have enough problems of our own that we don't need to know the lives of others. 2) he taught me that even though that people are so called your "friends" then why do they only talk to you when they either need something of you or want something. The one thing I will ever regret is having this man not in my life because as much as i want to learn about everything that is going on around me I should have paid attention to the man that was the wisest in telling all sorts of life lesson that if people would take one second to just see themselves then they would see that the situations that happen in tv are right in front of your eyes. Why are people so infactuated with the lives of others? When you have the exact situation to you and you knew the outcome it just made it seem like the way that it played out was like watching instant replay on your own life. This is why I have just chosen to delete my facebook and myspace I hope that falling under the radar like that is allowing me to figure who I am in the inside because I let too many influences around me let me decided of what not to do or to do it. The only voice that i should have been listening to is my own, but I have no voice, No Opinion, I am lost. This journey that I'm about to embark on is to find myself and find the people who really are here for me and not for the person that is on the internet. Hopefully the connection that I once had with my family will somehow bring a new hope for me and knowing that they are there for me. If anyone wants to know them I have to know that they are real and not some sort of fantasy wanting to come true. Such as the next relationship that I might embark will teach that he is there for me and not for the person that is online or on the phone but that they are real and your able to get to know them on a personal level and you never know if they could be the one that your looking for because I'm sure that the other person on the screen is gonna look a bit more diffrent than what he/she use to look like. Or if the person is even real and not some made up person who can not face their fears head on and take the reward or concequence directly. This option force myself out there but not by some computer screen. So i have ever learned so much about the people I have just met and people who I know for a long time and I am grateful that I got chance to meet them because their wisdom goes far beyond the farthest universe.


Thank you Scott Trindall especially and all I hope for you is that you do find that someone who can give you the world. =D

Feel Good? or FEEL GOOD !

I have seen people do all sorts of drugs that really can mess people up, someone very wise told me that one can not stop a person just because you care for their safety. I also believe in this that one cannot stop someone from doing something that they like to do for whatever reason they may have for doing it. It is starting to become apparent to me that some people do some sort of drug as a form to try and fit in, feel good, forget, or just because they need it. I have learned that people even if they were to try and stop could suffer from stopping because the damage has already been caused. I have a someone close to me who had a friend who was doing really well in trying to recover from his addiction but as soon as he stopped it seemed that the drug had done the damage that was making it hard for the person to ever recover this person ended up passing away. I believe the saying that a mother and father should never have to suffer of having to bury their own son. If someone wants to quit a drug I constantly hear of inner strength and it's true they have to want to believe in themselves that they are able to conquer this addiction. Does this mean that everything that happens around us happen for a reason? Does that greater being have an actual plan for us that we are following as we speak or as I write this blog? Destiny seems to have an odd effect of having people that may or may not deserve it dissappear from our lives. If anything I believe that one should try and see the lesson that one can learn from these events that are somewhat control for example the drugs and they can pass the knowledge that they have gained from the horrific expierience, and hope that someone will hear their cries

Greater Power Exist?

Many people tell me "things happen for a reason" and i believe that is true. However why is it that people who may not deserve it are the ones who are dieing day to day or concieving some sort of disease that might be too late to reverse. This also made me think of how some of the people in the world are cruel, because recently I have heard of a story where a someone had a needle that was contanimated with the the HIV virus going around in a club pricking people left and right and leaving a note in their pockets to later find out that they have been injected with a needle that is contanimated. I have recently learned that one of my friend who had conteracted the HIV virus and he said that he deserves it. I also have a friend who was close to me and had die of a horrible disease, he was the sweetest person one will have ever met and would have been lucky to meet him.
With these kinds of situations occuring around the world not just in my world the question that keeps coming up in my mind if why does this greater power or being work in mysterious ways, and have it appear as if the people who probably least deserve it are the ones who are suffering. If anything the ones who are breaking the rules and laws should be sentenced to something awful,but who is to decide what is awful or what is right?
All these things have had me go on a quest of seeking the answers that one may have and find out why these occurences are happening and if there is some greater meaning behind it.