day4 night 5

recap of day 3 and a little of 2 lol sorry about day 2 being lost =(

Sorry ...

Alright some people by the title will think oh this person just lost the whole thing, but my apology is to those who are watching my videos i didnt put one up last night like i said i would. I did something really big I guess in my opinion and I dont want to reveal what that is, but guys and girls who are following me i am still doing the vow and i havent done anything it was just that i was too exhausted to even think so I couldnt possibly give you an overview of what yesterday was. So the feeling are still the same and now i am on my third day and it's getting intresting because before I would do something like once a day or possibly every other day which is okay w/e dont care that everyone knows lmao =p But waking up with morning wood and not doing something about it is making it harder lol but yeah i will deffinately put a video of the day after i come home from work so it should be good i will sum up some of the things of last night and today overall thanks for the support :)

newish kinda plan

Review on Day 2 one that should matter

journey

Journey that hopefully will change my life for ever !!!

okay I know that it has been forever since I blog but i wanted to re-visit this by bring with the idea of celibacy and what i plan to do with it... It an idea of not entirely mine but it came from watching the movie 40 days and 40 nights along with paranormal activities but hopefully my first video will allow me to explain everything to you

Liberation

So as I'm growing nearer to 20 and the break up of my bf who i still care about deeply to this day. He has taught me so many new things that i can apply into my life. THe most important lesson that he has giving me is me learning that if people really are so intrested in my life why not make into a celebrity and have the papparazzi follow me around. So, he taught that if people are really that intrested they would tell you more personally than some sort of way to just connect and just pry into the lives of others. Get real people like I say that we have enough problems of our own that we don't need to know the lives of others. 2) he taught me that even though that people are so called your "friends" then why do they only talk to you when they either need something of you or want something. The one thing I will ever regret is having this man not in my life because as much as i want to learn about everything that is going on around me I should have paid attention to the man that was the wisest in telling all sorts of life lesson that if people would take one second to just see themselves then they would see that the situations that happen in tv are right in front of your eyes. Why are people so infactuated with the lives of others? When you have the exact situation to you and you knew the outcome it just made it seem like the way that it played out was like watching instant replay on your own life. This is why I have just chosen to delete my facebook and myspace I hope that falling under the radar like that is allowing me to figure who I am in the inside because I let too many influences around me let me decided of what not to do or to do it. The only voice that i should have been listening to is my own, but I have no voice, No Opinion, I am lost. This journey that I'm about to embark on is to find myself and find the people who really are here for me and not for the person that is on the internet. Hopefully the connection that I once had with my family will somehow bring a new hope for me and knowing that they are there for me. If anyone wants to know them I have to know that they are real and not some sort of fantasy wanting to come true. Such as the next relationship that I might embark will teach that he is there for me and not for the person that is online or on the phone but that they are real and your able to get to know them on a personal level and you never know if they could be the one that your looking for because I'm sure that the other person on the screen is gonna look a bit more diffrent than what he/she use to look like. Or if the person is even real and not some made up person who can not face their fears head on and take the reward or concequence directly. This option force myself out there but not by some computer screen. So i have ever learned so much about the people I have just met and people who I know for a long time and I am grateful that I got chance to meet them because their wisdom goes far beyond the farthest universe.


Thank you Scott Trindall especially and all I hope for you is that you do find that someone who can give you the world. =D

Feel Good? or FEEL GOOD !

I have seen people do all sorts of drugs that really can mess people up, someone very wise told me that one can not stop a person just because you care for their safety. I also believe in this that one cannot stop someone from doing something that they like to do for whatever reason they may have for doing it. It is starting to become apparent to me that some people do some sort of drug as a form to try and fit in, feel good, forget, or just because they need it. I have learned that people even if they were to try and stop could suffer from stopping because the damage has already been caused. I have a someone close to me who had a friend who was doing really well in trying to recover from his addiction but as soon as he stopped it seemed that the drug had done the damage that was making it hard for the person to ever recover this person ended up passing away. I believe the saying that a mother and father should never have to suffer of having to bury their own son. If someone wants to quit a drug I constantly hear of inner strength and it's true they have to want to believe in themselves that they are able to conquer this addiction. Does this mean that everything that happens around us happen for a reason? Does that greater being have an actual plan for us that we are following as we speak or as I write this blog? Destiny seems to have an odd effect of having people that may or may not deserve it dissappear from our lives. If anything I believe that one should try and see the lesson that one can learn from these events that are somewhat control for example the drugs and they can pass the knowledge that they have gained from the horrific expierience, and hope that someone will hear their cries